Walls•

The thing about walls is that men or people who ruin your wall(s) may be unaware of their powers. You have or had your wall in place, comfortable and protective, and they come along and make you tear down. They don't know. You tell them. You say things like... "I've not let anyone in in a while" "You got me feeling things I have not felt in forever" You even go as far as saying... "you build down my walls" Yet they don't know. You are them for some other people too so don't be all high horse and innocent here. Just learn to start hearing, and discerning enough to know when to believe, and how to act, or react. Ask yourself, do you want to be the wall breaker? Can you handle all the power? Most times you probably do not want to be the one breaking into her defenses and getting so empowered, so you don't get it when you are told that you are, you don't get it enough to ask any question at all. Anyways, I met a guy. We never met in real-time but he built down years worth of walls...and then it ended so fast, the walls came back up and they came with extra thickeners. And this brings me to why I write... He is still the one in my fantasies, I can't shake him off my wanks. I do everything but I won't cum, try as I may. He always has to show up and tell me he loves me. Then he rams me...mostly from behind...at his office desk... Then I cum. 💦 ❤️

Undone

I touched her and got every fiber of my being set ablaze.

This girl who has got my attention.

She is intrigue. An uneven blend of fir

e and ice. I want to sit on her face and I want to kneel for her.

She is nervousness, she is calm, she is my undoing.

I want to sit on her legs astride. Naked. Grinding away in ecstatic abandon. 

I'll grab her neck, kiss her, our eyes locked. I'll make her moan my name.

This girl who has got me thinking of her more often than I'd like.

Bits and Pieces

I miss being in love with you. I miss believing in endless possibilities with you. I miss the silly things. I miss the embarrassing moments we made into inside jokes. I miss the I love 'yous'. Haha, I know you see what I did there. I miss the feel of you aching against me, wanting me. I miss those very gentle eager nods between my thighs as you press your hips on mine. I miss how you'll kiss behind my ears and sigh as one who has lost every will to regain control. I miss how you let all of you go, and you become an extension of me. I miss how you desire to please me, toes first. I miss how you know I love it wild, yet gentle. I miss how you say yes ma'am, in that voice drenched in lust. I miss wanting you, taking you. I miss owning you.

Broken Record

Before my friend became my first University boyfriend, he told me how he falls in love every day. I thought it was silly, love is not that fickle. That was twenty years ago.
I may have changed my mind because I have friends who may think me a broken record at the rate I fall in and out of love. Could love be fickle or am I just falling into nothingness disguised as love?
My great love two years ago was Monday, my friends couldn’t possibly hear the last of it, we went everywhere together, even when with my girls.
Last year it was Tuesday. He probably was a rebound and did not last as long as Wednesday. We did like same movies and laughed at same jokes, he really got me. He was easy.
Wednesday ended last month, he was always the life of the party, a charmer. Every girl wanted to be me, the relationship was a trophy.
Today, my friends are not so excited to hear about Thursday because I am a broken record who will fall in love with Friday tomorrow.

I Am Woman: Balance for Better

I am woman.
I have had highs and lows, thorns and roses. I have cried and laughed, mostly laughed. I have danced and mourned.
I have strength and yet I get weak a lot.
I've been hated on, but I have mostly been loved.
I have made friends and I have lost some.
I am woman:
Assertive, resilient, adaptive and human, always human.
I have had it easy because I am woman, and I have had to work twice as hard to get just half as far as my male colleagues.
I have fallen, more times than I can count, but I rise, I always rise and push on. I am woman.
I am intelligent, smart, and stupid. The stupid get lesser and lesser as I learn and grow.
I am beautiful, inside and out. I have been called stubborn and kind, talkative and blunt, all of which I will not apologize for.
I have been married and divorced. I have had and lost and found again.
I am woman, I grow and glow.
I can be intimidating and sometimes cowardly.
I have fears, some I hide too well even I don't see them anymore until they hurt me.
I have love, sometimes I'm afraid to give it, but this is an easy fear to conquer.
I have dreams, some may never happen, but I will never stop pushing as long as I have life.
I live! I do what makes me happy, hurting no one, lifting those I can.
I have scars, some you see, some you feel. Some are mine alone to see and feel.
I am woman. I nurture, I motivate, I support, I lend an ear or two to other humans, because just like me, we all get weak and we all need a little lift, a little smile, a little reassurance, a little warmth, to know we are not alone.
I am woman: It is my life's work to create balance for better.

Happy women's day to my fellow phenomenal women.

TAKEN LAUGHTER

I was a girl so full of life, energy and dreams.
I had goals that seemed unattainable to most.
Until I became a woman.

I had the loudest laugh, I was nicknamed talkative.
I was that child loved by all for the energy I bring.
Until I became a woman.

I was dressed in a single wrapper around my chest.
Made-up with lovely white chalk designs and adorned with royal beads. Me and other girls my age.
We were about to become women.

The cut from the blade took away my voice.
The screams from the other girls turned my dreams to mares.
Laughter was taken from me.
The day I became a woman.
-Ttonia.

#endFGM
#endChildAbuse
#endCuttingGirls

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE #Leaving

“Why wouldn’t she leave?” is the most popular reaction you get from people when they’ve just heard another story of wife battery. This is actually a better reaction to that of stories of women who left marriages, “she should have stayed and worked things out, build her home”.

Leaving an abusive home is not as easy as some would think. A lot of factors contribute to a woman’s hesitance or inability to leave her abuser.

One of the reasons women are unable to leave abusive homes is upbringing- the way girls are raised in our societies. Many parents raise us in such a way that it is imprinted in us that the successes of our homes are our only mission in life. A failed marriage therefore means failure for the woman.  So instead of leaving, she keeps giving up pieces of herself, losing herself, changing and tweaking, anything to stop the abuse from repeating. But the abuse repeats again and again, making her to make more changes...she gives up her friends, her family, her voice, until she is a ghost of herself who says things like, I can't live without him...if I don't provoke him, he won't beat me. OR if he doesn't love me, he won't beat me.

Another reason is religion, especially the Christian religion. The "phrase till death do us part" said as vows are exchanged has claimed many lives prematurely. Divorce is frowned upon heavily by majority of Christian leaders and some of them encourage the victim to pray harder, cook better and sex more often to keep her husband happy and save her made in heaven marriage. The "hear from God" craze among Africans as regards picking a spouse doesn't help. How can a woman leave a man she has advertised as "God's will" for her? Would she tell the members of her world she isn't sure anymore it was God who spoke to her? Trivial as it sounds, this is a strong reason many stay on.

Fear of injury and death is another reason victims of Domestic Violence stay with their abusers. These abusers threaten to hurt and kill their victims if they think of leaving. They say things like. "I love you and I will kill you then kill myself if you think of leaving me". Sometimes, they say these things between punches or slaps on their victims. A lot of times, perpetrators of Domestic Violence have made good their threats by hunting for and harming their spouses who had somehow made it out of the door. This fact further serves as a deterrent for those thinking of leaving their abusers.

Coincidentally, someone who just left her abuser walked in just as I was compiling the above written reasons; I have just returned from “speaking out” for her. Like her, most women do not leave their abusers early enough. Their major reason (not the only) being finances. They do not want to leave without the children and they do not want to be faced with the reality of taking care of the financial needs of both the children and themselves. Mostly, they are scared they would be unable to earn enough to give the children the life they are accustomed to or keep them in their current schools. This is no small matter considering the fact that women work twice as much as men but earn twice as less (at least approximately so).

Methinks that women do not leave for one major reason; they have been gradually reduced to become less than who they were created to be. The subtle but frequent and seemingly harmless critique he gives to her even before marrying her, the alienating her from family and friends, the passive aggressive way of telling her that nothing she does is ever good enough, and the reminders, however false, that she is nothing without him. These add up to make it difficult, nearly impossible for her to make a life saving decision to leave her abuser. It takes a whole person to take a step as big as leaving a spouse. Her inability to take this gigantic step is because she isn't a whole person anymore, it is NOT because she is stupid.